I Shall Believe
by AngstRiddenTeenager
Summary: Logan reflects on his last moments with Max before the first Season Finale. Sad--but hopeful. Please readreview.


Disclaimer: I do not own Logan or Max, obviously, but don't sue me cause I have no money. Song credit: Sheryl Crow "I Shall Believe" off of her album "Tuesday Night Music Sessions".  
  
A/N: After the first season finale, Logan contemplates loosing Max. Kinda sad-but hopeful. Don't say I didn't warn you.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
He did not want to believe it. He refused to accept it. He had held her in his arms in her last moments and watched as the life had drained from her body-but he still refused to believe it was true. She was not gone, she could not be.  
  
Had it only been hours ago that he had held her in his arms and finally gotten the courage to kiss her? He had had so many moments with her but only one perfect moment. He touched his lips as if in some strange way he could just as easily touch her. He imagined her warm flesh against his own and his soul cried out in sorrow that he would never know it.  
  
He scolded himself for what he had not done quicker. Why hadn't he attempted to kiss her before? Why hadn't he told her what she meant to him?  
  
He had not told her because he knew that she already knew how he felt. He had seen it reflected in her eyes.  
  
He knew that before that moment hours ago if he had made her move it would have been too soon. She would have pushed him away. Neither of them would have been ready to make such a leap-to put all their faith in another so completely.  
  
He closed his eyes, for a moment getting lost in the dream of the life they could have led together. If only.  
  
*Come to me now Lay your hands over me Even if it is a lie Say it will be alright And I shall believe*  
  
They had come to trust each other over the year they had known each other. At first it was as though they were both shoved into the situation because of guilt. Her guilt for not protecting him the day the bullet hit his spine; His guilt for using her weakness, her need to know her family, to aide his own agenda.  
  
But hours ago they had experienced their greatest breakthrough-complete honesty, which was difficult for them both.  
  
*Broken in two I know you're on to me That I only come home when I'm so all alone I can believe*  
  
She had told him something embarrassing, something that required her to take down her defenses, and be completely honest. She admitted her own inadequacy. She had admitted to him that her feline DNA had caused her to do something out of character and something she regretted because of their unique relationship. She admitted to taking another man to bed and felt horrible because of the unspoken rule that they belonged to each other, which neither would ever admit.  
  
*That not everything is going to be the way you think it ought to be Every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me Please say honestly you won't give up on me and I shall believe I shall believe*  
  
For a moment he saw her face, the expression on it after she had admitted taking another man to bed. Her look of concern that she had ruined the sacred relationship that they shared-the safe relationship they had where they leaned on each other when the world seemed to be closing in on them as individuals. And for a brief second he felt the same stabbing pain that had shot through his heart at that moment. He scolded himself for his brief moment of jealously, as if it made him not worthy of her.  
  
*Open the door Show me your face tonight I know it's true No one heals me like you And you hold the key*  
  
But then he had stepped up and walked over to her, to comfort her, because he knew how hard it had been for her to admit this and why she had done it- so that their would be no lies between them. And because she knew, somewhere deep inside, that he would forgive her because he loved her-and never turn away from her.  
  
*Never again Will I turn away from you I'm so happy tonight That your love is all right And I do believe.*  
  
The moment she had met his eyes, before it registered that he was standing, and just knew that he had forgiven her for something she blamed herself for despite the fact it was out of her control. . .  
  
*That everything is going to be the way you think it ought to be Everytime I try to make it right it all comes down on me Please say honestly you won't give up on me and I shall believe I shall believe*  
  
They had come so far together over the span of their relationship that he refused to give up on her. It had taken them so long to reach this point that he refused to believe for one second that he would never see her again.  
  
He knew in his heart that she was not gone. And although his more rational side told him to give up, he could not.  
  
*That everything is going to be the way you think it ought to be Seems like Every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me Please say honestly you won't give up on me and I shall believe*  
  
She was in his heart; something that he believed would never happen to him again after his first marriage. After he had been betrayed he thought that he could never love again. He believed that he could actually turn his heart off and never let another soul in-that way he could never hurt again.  
  
But fate has a funny way of sneaking up on you, and he knew it was fate that she chose to rob him one year ago. And it was fate that on this night they would be apart. And it was fate, he knew in his heart, which would bring them back together.  
  
He could not logically explain it, but matters of the heart are hardly ever logical.  
  
*I shall believe* 


End file.
